I’m literally out of breath as I type this. I just got done with one of my sporadic workouts. Yay me! But, not really. I’m so freaking sick of hearing myself say, “Damn, I messed up again. Oh well. I’ll get back on track tomorrow.” So many tomorrows have passed by and here I am, still singing the same song.

I am 40 lbs over weight. Actually, according to various charts, I might as well go lay on the couch and eat chips till I die because I’m too far gone.  I swear, I’m pretty sure one of them said that. Anyway, according to me, I should be around 130 lbs for my 5’3 frame. That’s my ideal weight. That’s where I feel the most confident. But, here I am at 170 lbs, feeling sorry for myself and doing mostly nothing to change it.

Like many of us, it all started the moment sperm and egg met. And I lost all self control. I mean, honestly, I didn’t have much to start with. But, I went food crazy when I got pregnant. I was ravenous. I kept trail mix on my nightstand because I would wake up starving and couldn’t sleep until I ate something. I dealt with that hunger for the entire 9 months and for another 11.5 months afterward while I nursed. I tried and tried to diet while nursing my son. But, I was just sooooo hungry all the time.

I’ve been a Weight Watchers fan since I entered my 30’s and my mega metabolism crapped out on me.  For me, WW is just the most realistic diet. While I was nursing, WW  gave me a whopping 41 points to account for that and I would go 20, 25, 30…over every day. Failing like that, day in and day out, was such a moral zapper. I’d wake up and think, “What’s the point? You’ll just let yourself down again anyway.”

Well, it’s been thirty two days since I nursed my son for the last time. And, I’ve done much better since I stopped breastfeeding. I’ve managed to workout multiple times a week and some days I’ve done really well keeping to my WW points. So, why am I still 170 lbs? Because I’m not consistent and I can’t seem to do both on the same day. It’s either diet OR exercise.

And, why is that? I have no answer here. It could be that I am out of motivation. It could be that I don’t have the will power. Maybe I lack accountability. I certainly know I lack the time.  Then there is the fact that I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s several months after my son was born and, just this month, got my numbers under control. Is that the issue here? I really don’t know. And I don’t care. I am sick of it.

Now, today I’ve managed to workout but the diet was a wreck. So, today obviously isn’t the day. But, there is tomorrow…again. The difference with this tomorrow is that I’m going to ask you to hold me accountable. Will you help me end the cycle of, “I’ll start tomorrow?” And, if you are struggling too, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here with you. We can do this together.

I’ll weigh in on Monday’s and I’m going to check in with you few times a week. I’ll include a honest report on how well I’m following my diet and exercise plan. The plan is to stick to the 23 allotted WW points per day, allowing myself to dip into the extra 35 weekly flex points if need be. And, to workout 6 times a week for 30 minutes or more (with at least 3 cardio sessions).

I am breaking my goal up into smaller parts to make it feel more manageable. I’m aiming to lose 1.5 lbs a week. At that rate it will take me a little over 26 weeks to reach my goal. So, I will break it up into 1 month increments to make it feel less daunting. The goal is 6 lbs every month.

I really want this to work. I really want to make a change. I really want to stop putting this off for another day. And I really need your support to make it happen. And, please, if you need support as well, feel free to post your own status updates as well.

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